Wednesday, March 25, 2009, "Praising God through the sadness"

Triumphant Victorious Reminders
Inspired by the Holy Spirit
By: Teresa Criswell

"Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble."
~Romans 12:12

This is scripture that was sent by my dear friend via email today. She has no idea what perfect timing this was, and I know it was from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

At this very moment, I sit in the office chair at my desk as my fingers effortlessly strike the keys of my laptop. Today at 4:07 pm our world changed in one moment. It was a sad day and now I see how God has been preparing my heart to praise Him no matter what our situation.

Our son who is 16 years old has been living with us since 2004. There were some circumstances that took place in which we knew that this was the best for him, and his mom and her husband had agreed with the living arrangements (He is my "bonus" son; my husband's son from a previous marriage).

Today, after he had come home from a week long visit ("Death, Burial and Resurrection of Jesus Christ" Break) in California with his mom, we were told by him that for two months he had been planning a way to live with his mom again. Needless to say it was very devastating, especially to my husband, whom I have never seen weep as he did this very evening.

I felt numb, had no desire to eat anything as this whole house wept for him. We tried convincing him to stay. O my goodness, my stomach just jumped thinking of not having him in our home.

It is my husband whom I weep for and our sweet daughter, who truly loves her brother. There was a note written to him by her today, as she told me, "Mom, maybe this note I write him will "make" him want to stay with us." Then she said, "Mom, why does he want to leave us?" All I could do was hold her as we cried. I said over and over again, we are going to praise the Lord for Who He is. I just had to put into practice what He has been teaching me.

She looked up at me as we were sitting on the futon in the office, tears filling her eyes. She paused, looked away and then made eye contact with me again. "Mom, I prayed that he would stay, why didn't God answer my prayer?" I looked at her as I cried and said, "Sweetheart, this is something that we can't ask "Why?" to...we must ask God, "What can we learn from this?" As I said this, she cried some more. As I held her, I said, "What can we learn from this, Lord? I come to the conclusion that it is to love You no matter what we believe the outcome should be."

As I spoke it out, I have to honestly say that my whole being just wanted to refuse it, even though I knew it was truth. I pray that she will get an understanding of that now at an early age. I also know as we pray the peace of God to surpass all understanding over her life and that the peace of God guard her heart and mind.

Here is the letter she wrote to her brother, hoping it would be the "antecdote" to influence him to stay with us, I am going to write it as she wrote it:

"dear brother we will so so miss you please stay with us it will not will be same without you I will miss you but just give it another try again we all are think of you so please stay every day I will cry cause you won't be there think of all the fun time's we all had what about your frend's they will miss you to so much Love Tristin P.S. Think about the triva games we had so much fun"

Unfortunately, our son, who is torn between two parents he loves has made his decision, and has known of this decision for two months. He flies out Sunday and all I can say is he will truly be missed. I pray that something will happen, a change of heart would take place. That he would not live a life as the Israelites who said, "It was better in Egypt..."

I praise God for His faithfulness, as He has prepared my heart to be fertile soil and have faith operating so that I will praise His holy name and be a strength for my husband and daughter! I truly did not think I would ever have to see the day where my husband wept and wept as though he would never see him again. I tremble as I type. I don't know how anyone would attempt to go through trials without Jesus Christ...I just don't know how.

God is SO AWESOME ALL THE TIME! We pray protection over our family unit, which we know is what the enemy is after. We also pray for our son to become the light that Jesus Christ has called Him to by the power of the Holy Spirit in his new home in California. He is welcome back into our home any time; arms and doors wide open for his return.

As we asked our son and told him the reprucussions of his choice; he looked at us crying. He said, "I know what I am getting into; I want to go to California because more than anything my mom needs me." My dear husband looked at him and said, "Son, if this is true and not a story to make us feel better of why you leave; then we have raised a good young man. However, your mom needs the Lord God; not as a supplement but as her Lord, you are not going to "fix" her situation."

We covet your prayers to the Lord as He receives ALL the glory and honor for whatever the outcome may be. We also pray a special anointing of protection over our son, as he goes back. Lord, I don't ask you, "Why?" However, I do ask, "Why does he want to leave here, what is the real reason?" Is it because we held him accountable to "stick" to things. Don't give up! Fight for what is right? Speak out when there is wrong being done?

Abba Father, you saw my husband love his son in such extraordinary ways; he revealed a glimpse of You Lord upon our son. Lord, he is truly going to miss The "faja's"(It means "father" in their funny "Austin Powers" language), the climbing on his dad even at 16 years old, no matter if they were in public or in the privacy our home, wrestling on the floor as my husband taught our son techniques of the sport that is known as a "character" builder.

There are so many layers to this story. Divorce is a tool used by the enemy, that our son who was another casualty of war on the family has survived; but with many scars. He was one years old when they were divorced. However, as he got older, I know the same question has haunted our son. "Why did they leave each other?" So many other questions. It was a marriage due to doing the "right thing" for the child. Prior to the child she carried in her womb, the two had ended their relationship. However, when he received the phone call, "I'm pregnant"; they were married when he was approximately 3 months old and 9 months later when he turned one, the marriage ended in divorce.

This feeling that we are experiencing of losing someone and knowing, "Why?" is a question and feeling that I would not want any child to have to go through. As we go through this as adults, children are so resilient and they keep going even with the haunting questions of "Was it because of me?" I am so saddened that our son feels as though he has to make another choice 5 years later.

I am torn and I give this burden to You Lord God. This is not ours to carry; but Yours, and thank You Lord for being our Rock.

Bless the Lord, for He is AWESOME!

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass,
It's about dancing in the rain" with Jesus. ~Anonymous


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