September 5-7, 2009, "Search My Heart O God"

Inspired by the Holy Spirit
Written by: Teresa Criswell

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."
~ Psalm 51:10 ~

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
~ Psalm 139:23:24 ~

Have you ever prayed something like this? "O Lord, highlight those things in my heart that I don't even know are there." Haahaahaa...I have done so and I thank God for His love and grace through the highlighting process.

One of the many areas that has been highlighted was actually quite embarrassing. I must say that I was quite shocked by my irritation with someone else's addiction to nicotine in my family. I really had this 'concern' with this person's addiction.

I would justify my irritation and frustration by saying it's not healthy and all the other natural issues that come along with it. However, as I was doing dishes last night and talking to the Lord about God releasing this person from this habit that I have been freed from, I heard a question come up, "What is your real concern with his smoking?" I thought, "Well, that's a silly question." However, this question now became a light upon my heart and seeing my heart for what it truly was.

At that moment, when I saw the real 'concern' I realized my 'concern' was truly not for him and his health. 'Embarassingly', it was all about me. I realized my true concern was, "If people see me with him and he is smoking what are they going to think of me?" "What about my testimony, because of his addiction?" Ewwwwww, to even think that thought process was in me, is incredibly embarrassing.

I shook my head as though I had been in a long daze and confessed to God and myself of my heart. I am not saying that smoking isn't bad, because it is; just like any other addiction. However, it is amazing how God was dealing with me and with my own heart.

The Lord God Almighty didn't take up the 'offense' with me and condemn this person as I unknowingly was. He showed me my heart and my true motives as they were exposed by His loving conviction. I didn't even know my true motives until that revealing moment as I simply stood there doing the dishes. It was as though I sat down on the bank of the water's edge, looking into the water and seeing my reflection.

I am truly praising God for freeing me of my concerns of me in this area as He is helping me to be truly concerned with others. Not being concerned because of what it does for me at the end of the day, but truly being concerned with no strings (of me) attached.

Today, I am reminded of God's loving mercy upon my life knowing that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Because of that, I am reminded not to be a condemner to anyone else. I am grateful that God is not my condemner but my Loving Convictor that brings His light into the darkness and His freedom from bondage.

"Father God in the Name of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit, I thank You for Your freedom and for Your truth revealing the lie. Thank you for creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right spirit within me. Lord, I thank You for Your perspective of love and in no way do You see me through the eyes of condemnation because of Jesus Christ. I praise You for that. Thank You for Your patience and Your mercies that are truly new every morning. I love You Lord and I want to love You and others with great ferver like I could never imagine. You are God and You are Glorious! In Jesus powerful name, Thank You!"


  1. Love this Theresa, I really appreciate your honesty and you are not by far the only one who has ever had such thoughts.

  2. Thank you 'Anonymous' for your encouragement! I appreciate this more than you can imagine...


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